Yesterday we saw
a great new movie about Margaret Thatcher, called The Iron Lady. Meryl Streep is a tour de force in the role. The
film is about England under the leadership of the first and only female Prime
Minister in their long history. She is depicted in an interesting contrast to
her public persona. In real life she was thought to be defiant, demanding, and
difficult. The movie shows other sides to this powerful woman. A softer,
fragile, and more human side of Thatcher is shown as she ages and deals with
love, memories, health, and loss.
As a progressive
Democrat I was not a huge fan of hers when she was in office. But I did admire
her tenacity and leadership skills. She is an enigma – both tough and tender.
However, she was in a role in her public life that led her to only allow her tough
side to be shown. It is an issue many strong, determined women must face on a
daily basis.
But the issues
we face today are nothing like those faced by women in the past.
I know that I am
privileged by the amazing benefits of the feminist movements of the past. I am also
privileged by a system of education that has allowed me to pursue and gain two
Masters degrees and a PhD. I am privileged by an economic system that allows me
to make decisions about my son's life and education that others do not have. I
am white, middle class and highly educated. I have power just because of those
facts.
But I am also a
woman and the expectations of being tender, passive, and demure are still prevalent
in our culture – no matter how far we think we have progressed. Being passive
and demure is not part of my life - fortunately. (Those of you know me may
snicker loudly now). Women who are assertive are called names, while men who do
the same thing are called leaders. That is a sad fact many women must
constantly deal with.
Even I have been
told to "sit back and let the boys decide the important stuff" too
many times. I work in the church and in academia and men still hold the
majority of powerful positions. Growing up in Texas I was told on more than one
occasion (not by my parents but by the culture around me) to be strong but
never beat a man at anything, to let a man take care of me, and to not rock the
boat when leadership required tough decisions (they said a man could get it
done but not a woman).
Obviously I am
not a woman who stands back and let's others make the decisions for her or take
care of her simply because they are men. And it has gotten me in a bit of
trouble in my life. I have had bosses that resented my strength and
determination. That strength has probably resulted in the loss of a job at
least once, as well. It cost Margaret Thatcher. But I believe that it has
served me well on more occasions than it has hurt me.
I have had other
women resent the roles I have played either because they thought I did not
deserve the role since I was a woman or because they wished they had followed a
similar path themselves. In ministry the most difficulties I have had were almost
always with women – for the above reasons mainly, but probably for others as
well.
I have a soft
side, too. I have shared that in this blog before. I am a weeper. I cry easily
and am a softie. I am sentimental and sappy. Some of the wounds and voices of
the past still surface and try to derail me. I try not to listen but sometimes
the voices are very loud. These moments make me angry and they make me feel
weak.
But I am also
strong as iron. I am determined and occasionally defiant. I will stand up to
injustice for others but sometimes become demure and unsure when it is about
me. My upbringing in Texas probably
taught me that - unfortunately. And I have to continue to love myself because
of and despite of this.
I am a tigress
when it comes to my kid. Hurt him and
you WILL deal with me. I am iron willed when it comes to my faith and moving
the church forward. I am a momma bear
when it comes to my students. I am a
sometimes helicopter parent who is getting out of it more and more. I am a
crying baby on occasion. And I am a
determined challenger to institutional racism, sexism, classism, heterosexism,
sizeism, and other things that belittle and demean others. I am a lot of things
- some I love and some not so much.
I am an Iron
Lady with soft spots. And that's ok.
