Another
friend of mine had called just the week before – another pastor friend – to
talk about a “problem person” in her church.
The person she was calling about was causing all manner of conflict
because she did not get her way in a recent church decision. So the member was acting out in aggressive
ways. The pastor called to see what I thought
of how she was dealing with this behavior.
She was struggling with the anger spewing from her member that seemed
out of control. The pastor was tired and
confused.
In every
church you can find examples of both dinosaurs and dragons. Dinosaurs can and will often cling to out of
date realities and long for bygone days of the past. They can also be the holders of tradition and
heritage. Dinosaurs can be the
foundations upon which our mainline churches are built. The difficulty is when the demographics of a
community demand change, a new type of worship experience, or an innovative
outreach strategy and the dinosaurs refuse to change to allow for these new
possibilities.
You will
likely also run into various dragons in the church. Some stomp around throwing their power around
like a bulky swishing tail and others literally and figuratively breathe fire
whenever they are angry. They can make
life in the church very problematic – for both laity and clergy alike. They can become angry over what seems like
small things – moving a painting from one room to the other or the changing of
the location of a meeting. They can make
the process of decision making extremely difficult by breathing fire in meeting
after meeting, in worship and in study, and in formal and informal settings. They can leave a path of destruction that
baffles those around them with their angry behavior.
So what do
we do about dragons? One of these
friends who called recently said the best thing about them is that they will
simply die out eventually. But what of
the church in the meantime?
There are
ways to deal with dragons and their issues from Marshall Shelley’s Well-Intentioned Dragons: Ministering to
Problem People in the Church:
1. When criticism or critique is offered – “consider
the spirit in which it is offered.” Even
in anger the critique may have merit and one would be wise to at least consider
the criticism’s possible realities.
2. When the criticism or critique comes
in the midst of “hot anger” this “is a sign that something more is involved.” Anger, fiery or otherwise, that is beyond the
expected norms in any given situation could likely mean there is something more
that the person is frustrated or angry about.
Try to work on discovering the root of this anger in order to deal with
the fallout.
3. When criticism or critique is offered
– respond prayerfully. The best model we
can offer when people are angry is to pray for and with them about what they
have concerns about.
4. When criticism or critique comes in
concrete forms – give these instances of critique more weight. The more concrete someone is the more
validity their issue may be. Explore
what they are offering and examine them carefully for possible issues you can
address.
5. When criticism and critique comes –
deal with them calmly and with great care.
Dismissing the concerns out of hand only adds anger to the situation. React calmly and they might as well.
6. When criticism and critique comes –
deal with it corporately. Gain
perspective through the advice and counsel of others you trust.
7. When you are finished with all of
these considerations you must act – either by making changes or letting the
person know that you have weighed their issue carefully and determined that a
different decision has been made.
Dealing with
dinosaurs can be just as tricky. Dinosaurs
are often feeling like their issues and needs are being left behind for new
people, new ideas, and new methods. They
believe what they hold dear in the church is being taken away from them piece by
piece, step by step. Their desires to
cling to the past can be dangerous to a church that finds itself in the
position of moving forward and reaching new audiences.
Honoring the
past while making room for what’s next can be tricky. Sometimes it involves being a chaplain to “what
was” to its final end in order to create “what can be.” Sometimes it involves radically envisioning a
new beginning that the dinosaurs can support as an additional ministry of their
church. Sometimes it means spending time
learning the story of the dinosaurs so that one can tell a new story they can
respond to positively. Sometimes it means leaving the dinosaurs and dragons
behind and starting something completely new and different. All are hard.
When dealing
with the dragons and dinosaurs of your church follow some important advice – they
are not the enemy. They are children of
God just as you and those who agree with you are. They are part of the beloved community and as
such need our care and love.
When dealing
with angry dragons and prehistoric dinosaurs – handle with care. Likely they are as afraid of you as you are of
them. Communication and shared beliefs
are important to honor. Take the time to
deal justly and compassionately with them and you might be surprised how much
progress you can make.
Handle with
care = love, honor, respect, and grace.
But it also means moving on to a new reality when necessary – both dragons
and dinosaurs no longer exist in the real world, but they can be all too real in
the church. Remarkably they can help us honor the past and move into the future.
Hopefully
the church of what is to come learns the lessons of the past and makes
decisions that honor it while not clinging too tightly to it. The church of what’s next needs to be
birthed. NOW!
