Growing Up With my Kid!

Today I walked my 12 year old son, Shelby, to the gate for his first solo flight.  He is off to Arlington, Texas to spend the week with my sister and brother-in-law (and my parents for part of the week).  He is so excited about the time with them and about heading off on his own.  I, on the other hand, am feeling a bit sad.  Not sad because he is going off on an adventure and I will miss him.  I am a little bit sad to see how grown up he is and how quickly he has become a young man.  It seems like only yesterday that we were walking out of the orphanage in Yekaterinburg, Russia with a 9 month old adoptee.  But today he is a creative, intelligent, funny, compassionate, and talented young man.  I am so proud of him and of WHO he is becoming.  It is not always easy.  Sometimes being a pre-teen is rough – and so is being the parent of a pre-teen.  He is going through changes all the time and I am just trying to keep up.

So being sad is just about me.   I am much more encouraged by who he is.  He is a justice fighter.  He speaks up naturally when an injustice occurs.  He protects the underdog and cheers for everyone equally.  He is absolutely baffled that some people are homophobic or racist.  He sees people as equals and cannot understand those who don’t as well.  He wants to do a march on Washington, watches C-SPAN, and debates the debt ceiling with wisdom beyond his age.  He also cracks jokes that only a mother would laugh at, can text faster than a human ought to be able to text, drives me crazy with his antics, blows things up to scare me to death, and has a mess of a room.  Shelby is a typical 12 year old.  One minute he is a young man – the next he is still a bit of a little boy.  But more and more – he is a young man with opinions and interests all his own – apart from me.

I know when he becomes frustrating and emotional that it is his age and the changes he is going through. He is just like every other pre-teen. I know he loves me and would never do anything to intentionally hurt me.  But sometimes being a pre-teen mom is tough.  I have to remember that nothing he says or does is personal.  And that’s hard.

So I promise to grow up with him.  I promise to guide him.  I promise to try not to take things personally. I promise to set limits and sometimes make him mad.  I promise to try to overlook his messy room and not press my OCD on him too much. I promise to encourage him and laugh at his jokes.  I promise to ground him if he comes in late.  I promise not to pry into his personal life … and I promise I will pry if I have to.  I promise to love him anyway.  That’s what being a parent is all about.

22,000 Caylee Anthonys a Day

This week has been an odd one for news junkies.  I like staying up to date on politics and the world, but this week news outlets have been full of Casey Anthony updates – Breaking News Flashes and in-depth analysis.  (Several talking-heads seemed about ready for their heads to explode the day the verdict came down. )   The news of her acquittal of murder and child abuse charges sent shock waves in many circles.  Many were angry and outraged over the “miscarriage of justice.”  They were incensed that Little Caylee did not get justice.  A cry went out to light front porch lights in honor of her memory.

My Facebook and Twitter literally BLEW UP with comments condemning the jurors as idiots and morons, calling the justice system a mockery, and calling for Casey to burn in hell.  There were entire comment streams debating whether or not it was “Christian” to call on her banishment to hell.  Some posted warnings that Casey had better get out of town before someone took “justice out on her a$$.” The vitriolic language surprised me.  There were calmer heads out there but they were quickly hushed by the negative comments.

I had not followed the case closely, but had heard enough to know that most experts thought she would be found guilty.  I was not infested in it but know many who were.  The truth is that our system of justice is sometimes – ok, maybe more than sometimes – flawed.  But it is the best system we have.  And honestly I would want 10 guilty people to go free with a valid process before one is unjustly convicted. 

So my quandary is this – how do we “get justice for Caylee?”  Do we convict a person without appropriate proof of the crime?  Do we condemn Casey to hell?  Is this an eye for an eye situation?  How do we equate our Christian values of forgiveness and reconciliation with this?  What does it mean to be a Christian and still be angry?

I wish I had easy answers, but there are not any.  It is hard to live up to our call as persons of faith to be lovers and reconcilers.  But that is what we are called to do and be.  No matter how hard it is to believe, Casey Anthony is a child of God.  She is a lost and flawed child of God, but all of us are as well.  I do not wish to judge her but know she needs a lot of love and support.   I deplore acts of violence – by anyone against any person, but especially against children.  So I am saddened by the loss of Caylee.

But every day there are 22,000 Caylees who die around the world – of gun violence, abuse and neglect, hunger and often preventable disease, etc.  That is one child every 4 seconds.  That is 15 children every minute.  An American child is reported abused every 10 seconds.  34 people die every day of gun violence.  These facts anger me – my righteous indignation flares up about these things and I am working to make changes. 

We can all help the unknown victims – by honoring all of them, by working for change, and by being present in the lives of all the kids around us.  So tonight and every night – my porch light will be on because I want to be a light in the darkness for all of the children who die needlessly every day around the world.

But turning on the light is not all I am going to do.  What about you?

My Country’s Better than Your Country! Really?

It is 4^th of July weekend and I have been hearing once again the alarming cries of how great our country is, how free we are, and how our country is the best in the world.  In many ways this holiday is one I have issues with (not the only one peeps).  Yes, we live in an amazing place with astounding opportunities that are not available to others around the globe.  We get to protest our leaders, for the most part, without fear of recrimination or death.  We are able to read a free press – even though it is slanted in so many ways it sometimes does not seem worth it.  We are able to live our lives, enjoy our liberty and pursue happiness.  That’s all wonderful stuff we get from the blessings of being an American.

On the other hand, our “free country” is based on a history of 400 years of slavery and native oppression that both have left lasting repercussions that we are not adequately dealing with.  Our educational system hardly ranks among the world’s best.  Our health care system is broken, despite changes that have helped keep young people covered longer and stops insurance companies from denying coverage for pre-existing conditions (among others).  Our political system is so polarized we cannot get bills passed without wrangling for political benefits or castigating the “enemy” at every opportunity.  Our country suffers from a widening gap of those who have much and those who have little.  The lower class swells, the rich get richer, and the middle class evaporates.  Our country’s dream of living “free and equal” continues to elude many groups – because of the color of their skin, the clothes they wear, the people they love, the jobs they lost, the house they can never afford, the way they decorate their skin with art or holes, etc.  Our country continues to exhibit shocking symptoms of racism, sexism, heterosexism, ageism, size-ism, classism, etc.

So … we’ve got BIG issues.  We have problems that need BIG resolutions.  We have problems that have lasted for generations without as much progress as we need to have achieved.  And to get things done our leaders need to work together, our neighborhoods need to work together, our churches need to embrace the needs of the people for acceptance, and our families need to come together to work for change.

Yes, we are a great country, but we need to live up to that greatness.  We need to live up to that moniker before we proclaim it too loudly.  We have miles to go to be who we profess to be.  I love this country – don’t miss that point.  I am proud to be an American, but we need to be all that America stands for.

Happy 4^th of July – to a great country that can be so much greater!