(I have taken a break from blogging for a while but several events lately led me to post this and get back into the task of blogging.)
I am not
afraid to admit that I like control. I don’t like other people controlling me
or telling me what to do. I never have liked it (just ask my Mom or Dad). Despite life requiring that I allow others to
lead in many situations, I enjoy having elements of control over my own life.
In the midst of chaos I like to exert as much control over the situation as I
can - so that the chaos begins to ease as much as possible. I don’t think that
I am alone in this. Most of us like control. It’s human to want things to be
fixed and static but life often does not work that way.
Trying to
exert control in times of discernment and reflection can be even harder.
Following where God leads us in our lives can be a scary and intimidating
process. Exerting control in those circumstances is often problematic. Giving
up control to God is hard for many of us, but we feel like it should be done
and should be easier. It’s often not.
I work with
seminary students (folks preparing for pastoral ministry in some form) and
often meet with them to talk about their ministry and life discernment process.
I also have the opportunity to talk with quite a few prospective students who
are still trying to determine what God is calling them to do and be in their
lives and any potential ministry. I have come across a number of persons who
denied their call for decades because they did not or could not give in to the
discernment process and acknowledge their call into pastoral ministry or some
other discernment issue in their lives. Giving up control and allowing God to
lead is indeed hard – despite how faithful one is.
Recently, a
guest lecturer was preaching in our chapel. She shared an ancient Celtic
tradition of setting sail in a rudderless boat, relying on the wind of the Holy
Spirit to guide you as you discerned who God was leading you to be and where
God was sending you to share that state of being. As she explained the process,
I came to understand that one who is discerning their life direction embarks on
a journey to see where God is directing them by being set adrift to catch the
winds of the Spirit – with no way to pilot the boat themselves.
 |
| Canoe set Adrift by Poucher |
The image
was both refreshing and terrifying at the same time. It was a refreshing image
to contemplate. Being set adrift to go where God directs us is powerful. Giving
into the will of God is a profound thing that can set a person free from the
bonds that are keeping them from fully being who they are called to be. Giving
into the breath of God and go where the wind takes you opens up potential
ministry and life experiences that no one could ever imagine on their own. Being
able to launch yourself on that kind of adventure would take a lot of fortitude
and guts.
That’s where
the scary part comes in – letting go of your own need for control and to actually
stop trying to control the boat is important. The very fact that the boat is
rudderless means there is no directing the boat on your own. Of course, left to
my own devices, I could probably use my hands or feet to push/pull/navigate the
boat. And I would likely want to do just that. But that’s not what we are
called to do in discernment.
The task is
to stop trying to control things. We are called to let the Spirit lead and to
go where God directs us.
And that’s
tricky. The easy thing is to say to ourselves or others, “Just have faith.” But
the reality is that letting go is against our human nature. That means even
having faith is not all that we need to get us to let go. We have to “own up”
to our reluctance to give up control and allow God to blow us where God will.
And we need to acknowledge that it is not the easiest thing for us to do. We
should not beat ourselves up about this when we fail and try to steer some of
the way.
Discernment
is tough. So is living into the will of God. But we are called to live into
this anyway – to find a way. Being honest and working through the discernment
process patiently is paramount. Give yourself some grace when it’s not easy.
And try paddling as little as possible when you are in that rudderless boat.
It’s ok. God
loves us anyway – even when we fail. And the Spirit will continue to blow to
guide us even when it is harder to let it guide us.
Let’s make
this promise to each other and to God – we’ll keep our hands and feet inside
the rudderless vehicle as much as we can and enjoy the ride.
