Bent But Not Broken

This has been an impossible week of tragedy and triumph, brokenness and bravery, gory injuries and graciousness, terror and tenacity, angry words and awakenings, betrayal and blessing.

We started the week with the horror of the bombings at the Boston Marathon. The tragedy unfolded to reveal the deaths of three beautiful souls and the maiming of so many others. The losses will affect these victims, survivors, and their families for the rest of their lives. But out of it we also witnessed the triumph of the human spirit as first responders and regular citizens rushed toward the blasts to help others in need. The number of injuries and the gruesomeness of the injuries was devastating. The reality that humans did this to others was alarming and disheartening.

We moved quickly into learning that our elected officials refused to vote the will of 90% of the American people to extend the reach of background checks for gun purchases. It was a devastating loss for sensible legislation to curb gun violence. It was a crushing blow to many who have worked tirelessly for this goal. The refusal by the Senate to say NO to the NRA was painful.

This week was also marred by the mailing of ricin filled letters to a US Senator and to the President of the United States by an angry, bitter man bent on hurting others. The depth of hatred and destruction some will stoop to saddened us.

We entered into a wave of destruction once again as a fertilizer plant in West, Texas caught fire and the very firefighters who answered the call were trapped in the blaze. The explosion filled the earth with fire and fear. Fourteen persons were killed – ten of them first responders – and hundreds were injured. The loss of life and the destruction of homes and businesses will reshape and affect that community for decades to come.

The manhunt for the bombing suspects continued in the city of Boston and the surrounding communities as we moved into the later part of the week.  Word of gunfights, a carjacking, and tossed IEDs and grenades sent a wave of fear once again racing through those in the area. When word came that the first suspect was dead and later that the second had been arrested - cries of relief and gratitude poured forth from the people of Boston and around the country.

In the midst of this we learned of a massive earthquake that struck China. Hundreds are likely dead and thousands injured. The loss is tremendous and gut-wrenching. We are left to watch rescue workers rush into collapsed building debris to find survivors and everyday heroes are lending a hand. Once again we cried out in anguish.

And we are left to wonder ... Did this week suck or what?

Yes. It did. There was destruction, brutality, tragedy, terror, and betrayal. And it saddened us beyond words.

But there was also amazing heroism, bravery, tenacity, unity, and love. Bostonians opened their homes to people needing a place to stay. People in Texas rushed to help and supported the families of the firefighters killed and injured and helped persons who lost their homes. Citizens in Boston and China with no medical training came to the aid of their brothers and sisters in need and made us proud. Law Enforcement officers did their jobs with amazing tenacity and professionalism that made a city want to collectively hug them all. And a determined and brave former congresswoman, Gabby Giffords, vowed to not give up the fight on guns and tens of thousands of new folks joined her in the quest.

This week bent us - but it did not break us. It did not break us because in all of these situations people of good will banded together to react positively and to respond together. It did not break us because we joined forces regardless of gender or sexuality or age or faith or other differences.

But we did bend folks - some used the actions of a few to lump an entire religion’s followers into the role of "bad guy." Some used coded language about "brown skinned people” and "not being American enough." Some blamed gays or the government or conspiracies or each other for the danger and fear. Some assumed evil intent too quickly. Some made statements on social media that all "foreigners should be kicked out now." Some in the news media failed on so many levels.  And so did some of our leaders.

We bent. But we did not break - we are a strong people. And we are stronger together. We are better when we reach out to help and when we hold each other accountable. We are better when we understand that we are all children of God.

Our brothers and sisters in China, Boston, Texas, and around the world deserve our prayers. The victims, survivors, first responders, and those affected by these events are due our respect.

The circumstances of this week needed quiet respect and honor instead of politics, protests, and positioning. The events of this week were worthy of our best and in so many ways we rose to the occasion. But we need to be better. We need to work harder at keeping the hate, distrust, and anger at bay. We need to be more willing to wait for the right answer and not the quick one.

We bent this week folks – and we need to learn from that. But we did not break – and we need to celebrate that.

Whiny Thanks and All ...

I have just finished, I hope, one of the busiest periods of my professional career.  And I am exhausted. I have finished my first book, been on the curriculum revision committee at the seminary where I teach, created a brand new course and taught it this semester, had a lot going on in my church and personal life, presented at the meeting of my professional guild, and have taken on too many writing obligations than I should have. So I am beat.

But I am also so amazingly aware of how blessed I am. I have a family I love, a job I adore, students who inspire me, writing jobs that challenge and engage my mind, and I love to teach new and old courses alike. So I am blessed.

I watch friends and even family members struggling without jobs or suffering in jobs they do not enjoy or are not fed by. I watch colleagues struggling with job searches and reduced teaching loads. So I am thankful.

I have not blogged in a while because my writing was focused on my book. I have not felt good about it and have complained because I missed it terribly. But I hear friends and colleagues struggling to get what they want to say on paper and I am aware again how lucky I am to have these projects and contracts to write. So I am appreciative.

Many times, however, when I am busy and tired - I whine. Many times when I over schedule - I whine. Seldom do I stop - and just sit in gratitude and bask in the blessing.

So this past month I took on the Gratitude Challenge on Facebook. I wrote every day of the month of November about things I was grateful for. Some were silly ... like being thankful for ice-cream. Some were situationally based ... like being grateful for a fantastic sermon preached in class by one of my students.  Some were family focused ... like being grateful for the heritage passed on to me from previous generations and the chance to pass them on to my son.

Some were about vocational and personal happiness ... like being grateful for a job I love and the terrific house that is part of my compensation and the chance to live in our wonderful community. And some were deeply personal ... like being thankful for the safety of my son when some friends of my niece were in a terrible auto accident. And some were intensely spiritual ... like being grateful for being part of my faith community in its inclusive, progressive, challenging, incarnational, and prophetic reality.

I am writing this after Thanksgiving week and at the end of the Gratitude Challenge on Facebook - a natural time to stop and give thanks. And I am immensely thankful for all of these things, people, situations, communities, etc. But today I also want to say thanks for keeping me busy, for making me crazy with deadlines, for my family and community, and for obligations that bless me and my vocation.

I may still whine and complain when I allow too much on my plate, but even in those times I want to stop and say thank you. I am grateful for my life - and all that is part of this fantastic existence that God has blessed me with.

Thank you, God for my life - in the craziness and in the calm.

Thank you, God for my family - in their lovely absurdity and in their caring.

Thank you, God for my faith - in the times of doubt and in the moments of certainty.

Thank you, God for my job - in the crush of papers and in the moments of grace.

Thank you, God for my church - in the challenges and in the growth.

Thank you, God for my parents - in their aging issues and in their spry youthful joy.

Thank you, God for my writing - in the moments it rocks and in the ones when it sucks.

Thank you, God for your presence - in all times and in all places.

Thank you, God, again, for my life - in the blessings and in the pain.

Thank you, God.

Hospital Time Warp

I am not a patient person. I fully admit that fact. I am anxious for things to happen. I work on a schedule and plan ahead. So I always take something with me to grade, read, play with, or otherwise keep my brain, hands and spirit engaged. Normal time lapses do not make me too crazy.

But hospital time is ridiculous. I was in the ER and hospital for 24+ hours with a dear friend who had chest pain and shortness of breath. And I can attest with no reservations that hospitals exist in a totally different time continuum than my own. It seems that time in hospitals runs more slowly than anywhere else in the world. Time almost seems to run backward. And at times it seems not to move at all.

Nurses, aides, PAs and doctors are busy and amazing people. They do very tough jobs and work long hours. They are part of a noble calling. I admire them immensely, but they work on a schedule that is completely unfamiliar to me. I feel like a foreigner in a strange land. A land where waiting is the norm.

 We have waited for tests to be run, waited for a room, waited for dinner, waited for test results, waited for blankets, waited for doctors, and waited for news about dismissal from the hospital. Throughout this time - the professionals all around us are busy, polite, engaged, compassionate, and caring. But they cannot speed up a system that runs on a different time continuum. No one can.

So we sit here waiting. Knowing that God has led us through this amazingly tough scare. Knowing that we are being cared for in remarkable ways. Knowing that people are taking care of Shelby with great joy and care. Knowing that we are blessed to have the insurance to not be overly traumatized by the stay in the hospital. Knowing that there are many folks who live in this limbo of "medical time" way too much of their lives. Knowing that we are not alone - that many of our family and friends have reached out to us in remarkable ways. Knowing that God is with us and is guiding us with grace and love.

Knowing all of this is amazing. Knowing that God is in control and not my desire for time to run on my needs is a learning experience. Knowing that I still need to work on this is ok. God is not done with me yet, evidently.

Knowing you all care about us is a blessing.  Thanks.

Dinosaurs and Dragons in Church

 A friend called last week to talk about a conflict in their church.  It was about a resistance coming from some of his members to change things for a new day according to the friend, a pastor of a mainline denomination.  He commented that the dinosaurs in his church never want to try anything new.  They often say the seven deadly words that can stop church growth and new possibilities for vitality – “But we’ve never done it that way.”  His frustration was palpable even over the phone.  He was disheartened and frustrated. 

Another friend of mine had called just the week before – another pastor friend – to talk about a “problem person” in her church.  The person she was calling about was causing all manner of conflict because she did not get her way in a recent church decision.  So the member was acting out in aggressive ways.  The pastor called to see what I thought of how she was dealing with this behavior.  She was struggling with the anger spewing from her member that seemed out of control.  The pastor was tired and confused.

In every church you can find examples of both dinosaurs and dragons.  Dinosaurs can and will often cling to out of date realities and long for bygone days of the past.  They can also be the holders of tradition and heritage.  Dinosaurs can be the foundations upon which our mainline churches are built.  The difficulty is when the demographics of a community demand change, a new type of worship experience, or an innovative outreach strategy and the dinosaurs refuse to change to allow for these new possibilities.

You will likely also run into various dragons in the church.  Some stomp around throwing their power around like a bulky swishing tail and others literally and figuratively breathe fire whenever they are angry.  They can make life in the church very problematic – for both laity and clergy alike.  They can become angry over what seems like small things – moving a painting from one room to the other or the changing of the location of a meeting.  They can make the process of decision making extremely difficult by breathing fire in meeting after meeting, in worship and in study, and in formal and informal settings.  They can leave a path of destruction that baffles those around them with their angry behavior.

So what do we do about dragons?  One of these friends who called recently said the best thing about them is that they will simply die out eventually.  But what of the church in the meantime?

There are ways to deal with dragons and their issues from Marshall Shelley’s Well-Intentioned Dragons: Ministering to Problem People in the Church:

1. When criticism or critique is offered – “consider the spirit in which it is offered.”  Even in anger the critique may have merit and one would be wise to at least consider the criticism’s possible realities.

2. When the criticism or critique comes in the midst of “hot anger” this “is a sign that something more is involved.”  Anger, fiery or otherwise, that is beyond the expected norms in any given situation could likely mean there is something more that the person is frustrated or angry about.  Try to work on discovering the root of this anger in order to deal with the fallout.

3. When criticism or critique is offered – respond prayerfully.  The best model we can offer when people are angry is to pray for and with them about what they have concerns about.

4. When criticism or critique comes in concrete forms – give these instances of critique more weight.  The more concrete someone is the more validity their issue may be.  Explore what they are offering and examine them carefully for possible issues you can address.

5. When criticism and critique comes – deal with them calmly and with great care.  Dismissing the concerns out of hand only adds anger to the situation.  React calmly and they might as well.

6. When criticism and critique comes – deal with it corporately.  Gain perspective through the advice and counsel of others you trust.

7. When you are finished with all of these considerations you must act – either by making changes or letting the person know that you have weighed their issue carefully and determined that a different decision has been made.

Dealing with dinosaurs can be just as tricky.  Dinosaurs are often feeling like their issues and needs are being left behind for new people, new ideas, and new methods.  They believe what they hold dear in the church is being taken away from them piece by piece, step by step.  Their desires to cling to the past can be dangerous to a church that finds itself in the position of moving forward and reaching new audiences. 

Honoring the past while making room for what’s next can be tricky.  Sometimes it involves being a chaplain to “what was” to its final end in order to create “what can be.”  Sometimes it involves radically envisioning a new beginning that the dinosaurs can support as an additional ministry of their church.  Sometimes it means spending time learning the story of the dinosaurs so that one can tell a new story they can respond to positively. Sometimes it means leaving the dinosaurs and dragons behind and starting something completely new and different.  All are hard.

When dealing with the dragons and dinosaurs of your church follow some important advice – they are not the enemy.  They are children of God just as you and those who agree with you are.  They are part of the beloved community and as such need our care and love.

When dealing with angry dragons and prehistoric dinosaurs – handle with care.  Likely they are as afraid of you as you are of them.  Communication and shared beliefs are important to honor.  Take the time to deal justly and compassionately with them and you might be surprised how much progress you can make.

Handle with care = love, honor, respect, and grace.  But it also means moving on to a new reality when necessary – both dragons and dinosaurs no longer exist in the real world, but they can be all too real in the church. Remarkably they can help us honor the past and move into the future.

Hopefully the church of what is to come learns the lessons of the past and makes decisions that honor it while not clinging too tightly to it.  The church of what’s next needs to be birthed.  NOW!

Advent and Christmas Are Not for Sissies!

Christmas is an amazing time of year.  It is filled with shopping trips and lists of things to do.  It is filled with writing cards and spending time on line at the local post office.  It is filled with family gatherings and craziness with relatives you seldom get to spend time with.  It is filled with rich food and too many snacks sitting around to munch on.  It is filled with long lines and gift returns.  It is filled with company parties and too many adult beverages.  It is filled with hectic schedules and stressful travel arrangements.  It is filled with rushing about and feeling behind too much of the time.   It is filled with much, too much that can drain us spiritually and emotionally from the true meaning of the season.

But the Christmas season is not yet here – it’s close but it has yet to arrive.  We are still in Advent – the liturgical season of preparation for the coming of the Christ child - despite how we might be living in the present.  Advent is a time of expectant waiting and anticipation for the Second Coming of the Christ as well.  It is about being ready.  It is about preparing ourselves to receive this amazing gift.  It is about celebrating the first coming while preparing for the second.  It is the beginning of the liturgical year, but too often we rush through it without embracing the opportunities it affords.  I have seen far too many examples of this in the past month.  And I have fallen victim to it a few times as well.

We want to rush through Advent to get to Christmas as quickly as we can.  We rush into singing Christmas hymns because we cannot wait.  We rush into the stores at midnight on Black Friday because Christmas shopping cannot come too quickly.  We rush into the joy of Christmas without wanting to experience the despair often associated with anticipation and waiting.

Rushing past the waiting is easy.  Waiting for the coming of Christ is hard.  It’s not for sissies.  It means embracing the reality of being on a journey that brings us closer to God and closer to the coming of our Savior.  But it means waiting in the brokenness.  It means taking the journey without shortcuts. 

We wait for a Savior that comes to heal our broken world, who comes to free the captive and give sight to the blind, who comes to bring justice to those who are afflicted and oppressed, who comes to make the world what God intends, who comes to bind our wounds, who comes to make things right.  But we have to wait and prepare for that coming.

Waiting is still where we sit – for a few days more.  If you, like me, have rushed too much into the Christmas Season too quickly – take these last few days and nights to truly prepare.  Take these last few days to wait expectantly.  Take these last few days to hear once again – or for the very first time - the lyrics of the great hymn, O Come, O Come, Emmanuel.

Come, Lord Jesus, Come.

O come, O come, Emmanuel,
And ransom captive Israel,
That mourns in lonely exile here
Until the Son of God appear.

Rejoice! Rejoice!
Emmanuel shall come to thee, O Israel.

O come, Thou Wisdom from on high,
Who orderest all things mightily;
To us the path of knowledge show,
And teach us in her ways to go.

Refrain

O come, Thou Rod of Jesse, free
Thine own from Satan’s tyranny;
From depths of hell Thy people save,
And give them victory over the grave.

Refrain

O come, Thou Day-spring, come and cheer
Our spirits by Thine advent here;
Disperse the gloomy clouds of night,
And death’s dark shadows put to flight.

Refrain

O come, Thou Key of David, come,
And open wide our heavenly home;
Make safe the way that leads on high,
And close the path to misery.

Refrain

O come, O come, great Lord of might,
Who to Thy tribes on Sinai’s height
In ancient times once gave the law
In cloud and majesty and awe.

Refrain

O come, Thou Root of Jesse’s tree,
An ensign of Thy people be;
Before Thee rulers silent fall;
All peoples on Thy mercy call.

Refrain

O come, Desire of nations, bind
In one the hearts of all mankind;
Bid Thou our sad divisions cease,
And be Thyself our King of Peace.

Refrain

being spiritual but not religious

I have read several blogs, articles, and research data lately about the numbers of younger adults who claim the label "spiritual but not religious." Some believe the number of persons claiming this status could be as high as 1 in 5 overall and as high as 72% of Millennials (18-29 year olds).  That is a significant number of younger adults claiming that status.

The first time I saw this data I was stunned by the honesty and audacity of naming who you are in these studies.  While it is also distressing to some degree as a minister of a mainline denominational church, I find the truth telling important.  Owning that you are not sold on how faith is expressed in the institutional church is becoming more and more common.  And denominational studies show us that the number of folks in the church is in decline.  So we need to pay attention to this information.

The truth is that sometimes I want to claim no connection to the church as well.  There are times when the church makes me feel so badly about Christianity that I want to flee.  There are too many people who feel hurt by the church to ignore that fact.  And there are too many people who see the current expression on the church as irrelevant to brush that off.

So what do we need to do?  Some say we should become more orthodox so that people know what we stand for (and by extension what and who we are against for way too many) explicitly.  Others say we should be more flexible in who we proclaim we are so that we attract many different groups.  Still others want to bring in all of the elements of modern culture to be more in tune with the very generation we are missing in our churches.  All of these ideas are short-sighted and cannot alone reverse the process of decline or the leaving of church by many younger people.

Part of the problem many churches have is that they are unsure who they are.  They are unsure who they are serving. And they are totally disconnected from the community around them. Many of our churches do not even know who the people are who live in their vicinity.  How can a church appear relevant if they sit in isolation with no clue what is happening in the homes and businesses next door and around the block?

Another problem is that many churches continue to live in the past.  They long for days gone by when they had more members or more money and they mourn that loss. Others know that “golden age” is no longer their reality but they worship, plan and live as if that was who they still were.  This kind of disconnect is dangerous and misleading to all.

A third problem is that the most public event we have as communities of faith - our worship and preaching - is too often listless, not awe inspiring and lacks passion.  Too many gather as social clubs to "do" worship without energy or enthusiasm about what we have gathered to proclaim.  Too many are going through the motions of doing church - not truly BEing the church in the world.

I have some ideas … maybe they will spark some thoughts and discussions for you as well.

So how do we begin to turn the tide?

First, we have to leave the comfort of our pews to live and work in our communities.  We have to build relationships with the people who live near our communities of faith.  We have to BE the church in communities by meeting people's needs where they live.  We have to be connected to the people around us in as many ways as possible.

Second, we have to create worship that feeds people from the feast that is our faith.  We often come to the feast starving but the food served is not something these "spiritual but not religious" folks are interested in eating.  Many are using 16th century liturgies, with 17th century building styles, and 18 or 19th century music in a 21st century world.  There is nothing wrong with tradition and for many still in the church these are important things to hand on to.  But we also need to create worship that enriches newer generations – that is relational, participatory, awe-inspiring, image driven, experiential, connective, and missional.

Third, we have to live out our faith in compassion and justice ministries.  We have to be active in making the world a better place.  Working to feed the poor by sending canned goods to a shelter without engaging those in need is good but it is also problematic.  Sending in a check for world mission is noble but it does not get our churches engaged in the world.  We have to do the work of living out our theology in public – calling for the end of injustice and working to make that happen.  It is time we live and work missionally IN the world.

Finally, we have to be open to listening to the needs of those who see the church as irrelevant and see what it is they are looking for.  That does not mean we have to give up everything to do what they want – but without the conversation we lack the option to be in that conversation. 

I do not claim to have all of the answers – but maybe what I have here are some options for a conversation that is sorely needed.