On Being 50

Yesterday was my birthday. I am a half a century young. I am 50 years of age and am actually really excited about it. Several celebrations have already occurred (with my son before he went off on a 10 day mission trip with our church, with my Wabash friends in Indiana, and last night with friends). Amazingly some have made it known that turning 50 should make me sad. They have flat out stated that 50 is old. Of course most of them were much younger than I am. And I do not believe it. 50 is just a number and it doesn’t make me sad in the least. I am proud to be 50.

So today I pause to look back at 50 years of life.  And it has been a great life. I was blessed with an astonishingly great family of origin. My parents taught me to stand up and speak for myself. They taught me to be open and affirming of persons not like myself. They taught me my faith and how to live it boldly. They provided me with a wonderfully loving home and two sisters who are my dear friends. Not many people can say that. 

I was also blessed to receive a fantastic education. I taught with some amazing colleagues for 9 years in secondary education in Texas. I am so grateful for the education and the M.Div. I later received from Saint Paul School of Theology and for the churches I served as a United Methodist pastor in Kansas and New Jersey. Blessings continued to flow as I received a Masters of Philosophy and a Doctor of Philosophy degree from Drew University. I have received amazing support and collegial encouragement from colleagues at both Hood Theological Seminary in NC and Lutheran Theological Seminary at Philadelphia. In my work I have found friends for life who are so important to me.

I am blessed with an amazing family of choice. They lift me up when I am down and call me into accountability when I screw up. They love me no matter what and I love them as well. They are friends, family, and loved ones who make my life worth living. I cannot imagine my life without them.

I am blessed with a vocation that I love. I have been teaching in one form or another for most of my adult life and it is in my blood. I teach and in those moments I am the best of who I can be. I teach and I help propel the church into the 21^st century in exciting and engaging ways. I teaching and it makes me happier than almost any time else in my life. I am lucky to have this joy in my life.

But most of all I am blessed by a faith that keeps me sane, makes my life complete, and connects me to the Creator in ways that lift me off the ground. I am blessed with a church community that inspires and challenges me. I am blessed by a life that brings me hope, love and joy! Thank you to all of you who play a role in it.

I am 50 – and I am proud and blessed.

I Am NOT Old!

I went to get my eyes checked this week and had to list my age, allergies, and current prescriptions on the patient information page.  (Five meds I take daily.)  I had to list my allergies to medications.  (I had a couple. Namely, penicillin)  And I had to do a glaucoma and cataracts test.  (Good for now.)

Then I started the actual eye exam.  And the 20 something Doctor said to me, "At your age ... needing to go up in the power of the reading level of your no line trifocals is normal."

"At my age ...". Seriously?  I am not even 50 yet.  How old does the young man think I am?

Was that a slap at my age or just a simple statement by the guy?  It could be taken as either but I took it as a little bit of a slap ... even though I laughed with him.  I do have very salt and pepper colored hair (although more salt than pepper these days), but I am not even eligible for AARP yet.  I do have arthritis and high blood pressure (but I blame sports injuries and my family genetics for those).  I am one of the older parents of kids in my son's class but not the oldest.  And I guess I do have friends from high school who are posting pictures of their grandkids on Facebook. 

But I am NOT old.

Then I started thinking about age.  Was it really a slap?  My parents are in their mid-70s and are the youngest 70+ people I know.  And despite the periodic colds, sinus infections, and aches from arthritis - I am in good health.  Yes, I need to lose weight, exercise more, and eat better - all 2012 goals - but overall I am in good health.

Age is something we joke about as a culture.  Some folks hide or deny their age.  Some folks get plastic surgery to not look their age.  Some even try unconventional remedies to stave off aging.

Me ... not so much.  I will be 50 this year and I relish it.  I am enjoying my Jubilee year.  I have pretty grey hair and I earned every single one of them.  I have creaks and groans but I am still moving.  I have laugh lines by my eyes and I am glad I took the journey that gave them to me.

I have a son who keeps me young (he has also aged me but I like the other fact better). I have friends who keep me laughing and enjoying life.  I have a family that loves me and inspires me.  I have a vocation that lets me share who I am and my gifts in ways that make me light up constantly.

I have grown in faith over the years, become more confident with who I am, and lived through some tough times that helped me to be who I am now.  I have deepened my relationships with my family and know my place in the world.  God has blessed me in numerous ways. And I am thankful for it all.

So, aging ... bring it on.  My life has only gotten better with age.   Just don’t call me old.  I’m just gently used … experienced … perfected with time.  

Whatever you call it … bring it on.

Ok, maybe I’d like to have a few less creaks and groans, but still ... bring it on.

Advent and Christmas Are Not for Sissies!

Christmas is an amazing time of year.  It is filled with shopping trips and lists of things to do.  It is filled with writing cards and spending time on line at the local post office.  It is filled with family gatherings and craziness with relatives you seldom get to spend time with.  It is filled with rich food and too many snacks sitting around to munch on.  It is filled with long lines and gift returns.  It is filled with company parties and too many adult beverages.  It is filled with hectic schedules and stressful travel arrangements.  It is filled with rushing about and feeling behind too much of the time.   It is filled with much, too much that can drain us spiritually and emotionally from the true meaning of the season.

But the Christmas season is not yet here – it’s close but it has yet to arrive.  We are still in Advent – the liturgical season of preparation for the coming of the Christ child - despite how we might be living in the present.  Advent is a time of expectant waiting and anticipation for the Second Coming of the Christ as well.  It is about being ready.  It is about preparing ourselves to receive this amazing gift.  It is about celebrating the first coming while preparing for the second.  It is the beginning of the liturgical year, but too often we rush through it without embracing the opportunities it affords.  I have seen far too many examples of this in the past month.  And I have fallen victim to it a few times as well.

We want to rush through Advent to get to Christmas as quickly as we can.  We rush into singing Christmas hymns because we cannot wait.  We rush into the stores at midnight on Black Friday because Christmas shopping cannot come too quickly.  We rush into the joy of Christmas without wanting to experience the despair often associated with anticipation and waiting.

Rushing past the waiting is easy.  Waiting for the coming of Christ is hard.  It’s not for sissies.  It means embracing the reality of being on a journey that brings us closer to God and closer to the coming of our Savior.  But it means waiting in the brokenness.  It means taking the journey without shortcuts. 

We wait for a Savior that comes to heal our broken world, who comes to free the captive and give sight to the blind, who comes to bring justice to those who are afflicted and oppressed, who comes to make the world what God intends, who comes to bind our wounds, who comes to make things right.  But we have to wait and prepare for that coming.

Waiting is still where we sit – for a few days more.  If you, like me, have rushed too much into the Christmas Season too quickly – take these last few days and nights to truly prepare.  Take these last few days to wait expectantly.  Take these last few days to hear once again – or for the very first time - the lyrics of the great hymn, O Come, O Come, Emmanuel.

Come, Lord Jesus, Come.

O come, O come, Emmanuel,
And ransom captive Israel,
That mourns in lonely exile here
Until the Son of God appear.

Rejoice! Rejoice!
Emmanuel shall come to thee, O Israel.

O come, Thou Wisdom from on high,
Who orderest all things mightily;
To us the path of knowledge show,
And teach us in her ways to go.

Refrain

O come, Thou Rod of Jesse, free
Thine own from Satan’s tyranny;
From depths of hell Thy people save,
And give them victory over the grave.

Refrain

O come, Thou Day-spring, come and cheer
Our spirits by Thine advent here;
Disperse the gloomy clouds of night,
And death’s dark shadows put to flight.

Refrain

O come, Thou Key of David, come,
And open wide our heavenly home;
Make safe the way that leads on high,
And close the path to misery.

Refrain

O come, O come, great Lord of might,
Who to Thy tribes on Sinai’s height
In ancient times once gave the law
In cloud and majesty and awe.

Refrain

O come, Thou Root of Jesse’s tree,
An ensign of Thy people be;
Before Thee rulers silent fall;
All peoples on Thy mercy call.

Refrain

O come, Desire of nations, bind
In one the hearts of all mankind;
Bid Thou our sad divisions cease,
And be Thyself our King of Peace.

Refrain

The Care and Tending of Clergy

When I was pastoring a church full time I heard many of my pastor friends talking about burnout and dissatisfaction with their vocation.  As a seminary professor I hear students excited about entering into ministry but hear from them several months or years into their calls who say “you did not tell me about all this stuff I have to deal with.”  (I know I did tell them but they were so idealistic they only heard the good stuff.)  I teach students that pastoral ministry is the most blessed and holy thing they will ever do – but it is the most frustrating and draining thing that they will ever participate in as well.  I often hear some stories of vocational celebration and blessing – but all too often the stories I hear are heartbreaking.

Taking on the mantle of spiritual leader, pastor, chaplain, or minister is a major life decision.  It means taking the risk to respond to the call of God on your life.  It will affect your family and your personal relationship (as seen in the data below).  It will affect your spirituality and your health.  It will bring you amazing fulfillment and take you to the depths of despair.  It will cost you friendships and potential relationships.  It will test your limits and limit your vision, especially on bad days.  These are realities – unfortunately – of this vocation. 

But it will also bring you closer to God and to the people of God.  It will bring you into moments of sincere need at the bedside of a dying person and into moments of beautiful grace at the baptism of a new baby.  It will take you to the altar to celebrate the Eucharist and to the pulpit to preach the Gospel of grace and love.  It will allow you to bless relationships at their beginnings and to celebrate the lives of those who have died.  It will offer moments of amazing connection and possibility.

I pray for all of those who answer the call to pastoral ministry.  I was asked to lay hands on a friend at her ordination last night and felt so blessed to be asked to do so.  I said yes because I believe in persons answering that call to serve God.  But I also know the toll it can take on the person who answers and all who love them.

The way to answer and not become a statistic like those below is to pray daily, take a day off weekly and weeks off each year, rest your body, mind your relationships, spend time with God, nurture your creative side, pray, take care of your body and soul, play with your kids and other children in your life, find a hobby that makes you happy, go to the movies, pray, go on dates with your spouse or significant other, read a good mystery, pray, spend time with a friend, and stay connected to God. 

Don’t become a statistic.  Take advantage of your relationships with other clergy to watch out for each other.  Find a place to talk with someone who can help you.  Do not Lone Ranger your ministry.  Do not become a statistic of pastoral ministry – be enriched by it.

And to all laity out there – take care of your clergy leaders.  Make sure they take their days off – you get your weekends, clergy usually do not.  Ask them about how they are doing and pray for them daily - and for their families.  Love your pastors but hold them accountable for their self-care.

The care and tending of clergy takes a village – treat yourself and the clergy in your life with care.  God chose, called, equipped, commissioned and sent them – God deserves the best from us in helping them answer their call.

Stunning Clergy Statistics:

·         90% of the pastors report working between 55 to 75 hours per week.

·         80% believe pastoral ministry has negatively affected their families. Many pastor’s children do not attend church now because of what the church has done to their parents.

·         95% of pastors do not regularly pray with their spouses.

·         33% state that being in the ministry is an outright hazard to their family.

·         75% report significant stress-related crisis at least once in their ministry.

·         90% feel they are inadequately trained to cope with the ministry demands.

·         80% of pastors and 84% of their spouses feel unqualified and discouraged as role of pastors.

·         90% of pastors said the ministry was completely different than what they thought it would be like before they entered the ministry.

·         50% feel unable to meet the demands of the job.

·         70% of pastors constantly fight depression.

·         70% say they have a lower self-image now than when they first started.

·         70% do not have someone they consider a close friend.

·         40% report serious conflict with a parishioner at least once a month.

·         33% confess having involved in inappropriate sexual behavior with someone in the church.

·         50% of pastors feel so discouraged that they would leave the ministry if they could, but have no other way of making a living.

·         70% of pastors feel grossly underpaid.

·         50% of the ministers starting out will not last 5 years.

·         1 out of every 10 ministers will actually retire as a minister in some form.

·         94% of clergy families feel the pressures of the pastor’s ministry.

·         80% of spouses feel the pastor is overworked.

·         80% spouses feel left out and under-appreciated by church members.

·         80% of pastors’ spouses wish their spouse would choose a different profession.

·         66% of church members expect a minister and family to live at a higher moral standard than them.

·         The profession of “Pastor” is near the bottom of a survey of the most-respected professions, just above “car salesman.”

·         4,000 new churches begin each year and 7,000 churches close.

·         Over 1,700 pastors left the ministry every month last year.

·         Over 1,300 pastors were terminated by the local church each month, many without cause.

·         Over 3,500 people a day left the church last year.

·         Many denominations report an “empty pulpit crisis.” They cannot find ministers willing to fill positions.

(Pastoral Statistics provided by the Fuller Institute, George Barna, and Pastoral Care Inc.  Thanks to http://barefootpreachr.org/2011/10/12/pastor-are-you-simply-a-statistic/ for this information) 

We Can’t Always Get What We Want

There are few things that I like less than being reminded that there are times in life when things do not go my way – or the way I want them to go.  I heard it as a child from my parents and I found myself saying it to my son recently.  Being able to hear that is hard sometimes – despite your age or life experiences.   Being willing to accept that is a sign of maturity. 

I think it comes most often when I am being impatient with issues of control in my life.  I want things the way I want them and when they aren’t happening like I want – I feel it and express my displeasure. Sometimes I do it quietly and maturely.  Sometimes … not so much.  I get frustrated like everyone else.  I try to handle it well.  Sometimes I fail.

I was with a friend some time back who has an infant.  I love babies.  They are so cute, sweet, and cuddly … until they aren’t.   When babies are not happy – they express it with their bodies and their voices.  They are not able to differentiate when they should be patient.  They want something NOW.  There is no waiting.  And they cannot speak to tell others what they need without screaming their little lungs out!

The funny thing (and it’s not really funny) is that I have seen grownups doing the same thing. Stomping their feet in frustration when they don’t get their way. Sometimes they scream and cry out against the injustice of it all.  They moan about others not tending to their needs or others not treating them right.  And I have been guilty of it, too.  But injustice?

Seeing injustice in these situations is just so far from the truth most of the time.  In my life – and in the Christian faith - justice is something that is extremely important.  The astonishingly high number of people without jobs, parents and kids without adequate health care, folks waiting for justice from their government for equal rights, people living without appropriate housing or enough food to feed their families, rampant gun violence on the streets, and a government unable to work for the greater good are stunningly wrong.  These things are unjust. 

Recently people were in the streets crying out for justice for Troy Davis, are right now marching on Wall Street to demand financial accountability, and are working for immigration reform that is just and fair.  People are creating community organizing frameworks to work with their local officials to create jobs and education opportunities.  People are demanding that their government officials work across the aisle to make decisions that will move our country forward (whether they will do it or not is another story).  People are participating in the process of justice making to change the systems that keep folks in poverty. 

All of these things are positive.  All of these things make me smile.  They remind me of my favorite scripture passage – Micah 6:8: “He has told you, O mortal, what is good; and what does the Lord require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God?”  Doing justice is hard work.  Doing justice, though, is what we are called to.  It takes action, patience, and community.

We may not get what we want – but trust me – we definitely won’t if we don’t work for it.

Why Does My Technology Hate Me?

I am on my 4^th Kindle since Christmas 2010.  Some have crashed on their own and one because I dropped it.  And so I sat waiting as each one was shipped out by Amazon to me one by one.  My smartphone has been replaced at least once.  And it always required some sort of wait until the new one arrived.  My Plasma TV went out last month and since it was barely out of warranty, Samsung replaced it for a small exchange fee.  We sat and watched a little bitty TV for over a week waiting for the new one.  I have already had to have Dell replace a dud laptop once.  Now my new laptop (the replacement I got from them in November of 2010) is heating up and acting strange.  I got a box from Dell today for me to ship it off for service.  My technology woes are legendary on my Facebook page.  Every time I post something about a tech issue – folks comment that technology and I do not seem to mix.  But we have to.

My job is to teach young ministers to preach, to engage social media in their ministries, and to utilize imagery in their multi-media sermon preparation.  I teach using PowerPoint and media displays.  So using technology is something that I do every single day – it is part of my working life.  Add to that my personal use of technology for Facebook, email, news, blogging, etc.  It seems that tech is a big part of my life. My phone keeps me connected and my TV helps to entertain me.  I read a LOT and have found my Kindle to be an amazing gift for ease of access to all kinds of books.  I am on my laptop almost every evening and sometimes during the day as well.  I need my tech.

But once again I will be without my laptop for a week to ten days.  I do not want to do it.  I know I have an old back up to use but it makes me nervous that I might be disconnected for a while.  Or that I might be connected slowly … that my old computer will be so slow it may not be worth being online at all. 

When I discovered how nervous I was feeling about sending my computer off again – I had to stop and think about my addiction to tech.  I feel like I need to check my Facebook, process my email, and read friends’ blog posts on a regular basis.  I don’t think I am alone in this.  Many people are connected too much to their technology today.  Families sit at dinner and never speak as they play games and surf on their mobile devices.  Teens sit in the same room and text each other rather than risk being overheard by others.  Parents sit at their computers and fail to be there for their kids.  Not everyone is like this – but it is easy to get sucked into the cycle of gadget addiction.

So maybe this imposed vacation from my laptop will be good for me.  And maybe it will drive me over the edge.  Either way – it seems I need it.

Family is Messy!

I got a call from my niece this morning to tell me something I posted on Facebook meant something other than what I understood it to mean.   It was something I did not know – but she sure did.  And she was calling to rescue me from my stunning cultural ignorance.  The funny thing is that her parents and my parents were all in the room for this call – and they took great delight that I said something I did not understand.  I could hear the chuckles and guffaws through the phone.  (Hint: it was something sexual that I inadvertently copied from a friend without knowing the full meaning).  The funniest part was the laughter of all of them as my niece schooled me.  It was a hoot.  My 70+ year old parents were laughing that I did not know something like this.  And I am sitting here half way across the country wondering – how the heck did they know?  It just struck me as ironic.  I laughed about it for a long while.

Family can be hysterical – and it has been as a hoot in the midst of drama many times in my life.  It can be a gift – and has been so many times in my life when my family came to my rescue or celebrated with me a great victory.  It can be messy – and it has been when my family and I have not been on the same page about who I am and who they thought I was.  It can be enlightening – and it has been as a light in the darkness at times in my life.  Family can also be hard to define – and it has been with both my family of origin and with my family of choice but I love all of them.

We are all born within a biological family and sometimes those family connections can be very painful.  I know some folks who continue to struggle with issues from their family of origin.  I am pained by their suffering.  I pray for their healing.  I also know folks – like myself – who have had a pretty wonderful experience of family.  I am not saying we have always had it easy – I have two sisters with whom I have had arguments with over the years.  I have parents who have not always agreed with my decisions and I have not always been happy with theirs either.  And I have not always been pleased with how my family reacted to things happening in my life.  A Norman Rockwell Family - we ain't!!

But guess what – they have been there for me.  I have been amazingly blessed by the Creator with family of origin and family of choice.  They have been as supportive as I could realistically hope for.  They have had my back.  They have loved me anyway (a favorite expression of my Mom and Dad).  They are my family and I will defend them to the bitter end.  They would do the same thing for me – at the drop of a hat.  And that has made all the difference. 

Yes – family is messy no matter how you define it.  My prayer for all is that they find family – either by birth or by choice that they can love and who will love them back. 

It will be messy – I promise.  But I would rather have a messy family than none at all.  Thanks for the journey, family.  I love you all!

Preaching for Connection

I was talking with a colleague from my church this week and the topic of preaching came up in our conversation.  The topic more specifically was whether or not preaching without notes was favorable to preaching with a manuscript.  Since I am a preaching professor who encourages the use of minimal notes or an outline, my opinion was pretty clear.  However my colleague was uncertain about how to make this happen in their own preaching.

Two facts jumped to my mind immediately – one was the fear often involved in moving away from a full manuscript and the other was the fact that connecting to a congregation through physical presence and eye contact is easier without a manuscript.  [First a disclaimer – yes, I believe that preachers can connect to congregations with a manuscript, but it takes more effort and intentionality than many manuscript preachers in my experience have been willing to put forth. Not true for all but certainly true for many.]

So a few thoughts about making connections and preaching.  We live in a society where people are often isolated and in need of finding a place to belong.  People are in need of feeling connected to each other and to God.  People often are searching for direction in their lives.  People are using many different entry points to find connections – social media, technology, web dating, etc. 

Worshipping in and with a community of faith can bring people to a point where they begin to find a place and connections.  As the preacher in the service, we do not want to be a barrier to that happening by not connecting with those in worship.  When a preacher makes limited or no connections when they preach, it leaves folks confused and isolated.

The process of moving away from a full manuscript starts with a simple promise – to memorize any narrative story in the sermon and to become so familiar with the beginning and end of the sermon so as not to need to read them word for word.  This is a scary start but can be done easily by using a personal story and a narrative you feel connected to in some way. 

The next steps can be done over the period of weeks or months – moving from a manuscript to extended outline or to a manuscript with key words replacing sections of the text.  Over the course of weeks, the preacher can diminish their use of notes to a simple page of key words, a limited outline, or no notes at all.  Each preacher has to determine what works for them.  Other techniques and ideas will be coming in the future, but making the intentional decision to use fewer notes means spending more time connecting to the people instead of reading one’s manuscript.  I encourage you to try. 

Take baby steps.  This next week – try to just memorize one piece of your sermon and see how freeing it can feel.  Connections matter.

Melting Miles

In the last week I have Skyped with family in Texas, talked on the phone with a pastor friend in North Carolina, messaged/chatted with a good friend in California, kept up with family in Tornado Alley via Facebook, uploaded student sermons to a limited access YouTube account so they could see them and share them with friends/family, received an update from a former student by email about their approval for ordination, and connected to an old friend by seeing their retweet of a message on Twitter.  Yesterday, my friend in Ohio was driving in Michigan and got lost – she called me and I went on my laptop to Google the address she was searching for, then mapped her route and got her to her appointment with turn-by-turn directions on the phone.  It was a hoot.  We laughed about it until I almost cried.

Sometimes living in a state far from family and longtime friends is tough.  When our son had an end of the year school concert – I wanted my parents (his grandparents) here.  When my spouse had a medical test—I wanted their mom to be here.   When I was installed as a professor at my seminary—I wanted my best friends and family here.  When my friend needed me to help them through a crisis—I wanted to be with them to hold their hand.   Unfortunately, the miles kept all of us away from one another physically. 

There are times when the miles seem insurmountable.  It seems like I am missing my niece’s lives as they graduate and play sports that I am not there to see.  It seems like my friends are constantly experiencing things that I would love to witness and be there for.  It seems like the miles are a gulf when holiday after holiday I am separated from those I love.   But then there are those amazing times when they seem to melt away.   I am reminded that connections are connections – whether emotional, physical or psychological.  

Amazingly, my parents saw my son’s concert via Flip, Facebook, and Youtube.  My spouse’s mom got a call minutes after the positive medical test came back.  And pictures of my installation popped up almost immediately after the event on a seminary blog.  My friend got to her lunch appointment almost on time.  And my hurting friend felt relief talking to me on the phone.  None of these situations were completely the same as they would be together, but it felt so good to have these moments.   I really felt a personal and emotional connection in all of them.

Modern technology makes it possible to witness the amazing header scored in a state soccer game by my niece, to send video of my son’s concert far away, to talk to my hurting friend many states away, to guide my friend to her appointment, and to visit with my folks whenever I want and see them on Skype while we talk. 

But connections are more that these technological moments – I am connected to them by personal experiences, lasting memories, amazing interactions over a number of years, and in so many other ways.  Some I am connected to by blood and others are family and friends by choice.  So whether I talk to them personally or see them in person – the connections are still there, still real, and still important.  I am connected to them by faith and by a God who loves us all.  I am connected as we are a family of faith –committed to each other in ways no distance can cancel out. 

We are connected … and I thank God for those connections every day of my life.