Blog … Resolutions For a Better 2013 - Cynicism be Damned

After this year of mass shootings, economic hi-jinks in Congress, hateful political rhetoric leading up to the election, one absurd celebrity incident after another, discord and division in every realm of our society, and failed attempts at being a better people - I am tempted to be cynical about 2013. But somewhere deep inside me there is still that kid who gathered with her family around a table on New Year’s Day to eat black-eyed peas for good luck and share the resolutions we made for the new year.

I have not really made personal resolutions the last few years because I typically fail at keeping them within the first few months of the year. But this year I want to try something new – I want to make some for our society. And yes, we may fail in the first few months of the new year but I want to put them out there anyway … and will continue to pray that we try to make them come true.

First, let’s resolve to end the culture of obscene violence in our society. Let’s end the sale of assault and assault-style weapons outside of the police and military. Let’s end the production of and sale of high volume ammunition clips. Let’s set an example as a culture that has been intimately damaged by the slaughter of the innocents and chooses to do and be better as a result. Let’s be a society that values life more than the 2^nd amendment. This does not preclude hunters from being able to hunt or cops and military personnel from having the weapons they need to protect us but regular citizens do not need assault weapons or high volume clips. Our society will be better for it.

Second, let’s resolve to be more loving of one another. Let us take care of those around us who are weak, mentally and physically impaired, destitute, sick, and/or living in poverty. Let’s resolve to do the right thing for our neighbors so that they feel love in their lives in ways that are profound and personal. Let’s be willing to show mercy to those in need and not require some means-test from them to be considered worthy of that help. Let’s be our best selves and help others to be their best selves as well. Our society will be better for it.

Third, let’s be more tolerant and accepting of those with whom we disagree or with whom we have profound theological, political, or cultural differences. Let’s look for our similarities instead of always focusing on the differences first. Let’s be kinder to one another – in our real lives and in the digital world. Let’s have civil conversations and listen to the opinions of the others in our lives. And let’s show this to our children as the way to honor each other’s uniqueness so that the next generation learns from us. Our society will be better for it.

Fourth, let’s be a people of faith who trust each other again despite our diverse faith traditions. Let us be a people who honor the faith of others in profound and important ways while still being true to our own beliefs. Let’s be people of faith who welcome the stranger, visit the imprisoned, help the sick, bring the wounded stranger from the side of the road into a place of care, and accept that we can make a difference in the lives of others by being true to the God who love us all. Our society will be better for it.

Lastly, let’s be a people who are open to affirming the rights of others. Let us see persons of color and work to right the injustices inflicted upon them. Let us listen to the stories of injustice of the LGBT community and honor them with acceptance and greater moves toward full inclusion. Let us hear the desperation of kids in failing school systems and work to make things more just for all kids needing to be educated. Let’s see the elderly and little kids as the gifts they are and cherish them in ways that protect their safety and care for their needs. And let us make the effort to be connected to each other – not just on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram or Pinterest – but in real life. Let us reach out and make a difference in our world. Our society will be better for it.

Maybe we will fail at these … but isn't it worth the effort to try? And to keep on trying no matter what?

Our society will be better for it.

Civility in Discussing Monumental Decisions

Like many in this country I was up and ready to hear the Supreme Court decision this morning on the Affordable Care Act, or as many like to call it - Obamacare. Many were waiting anxiously to have the entire law upheld. Others wanted all of it ruled unconstitutional. Still others thought maybe if they kept everything but the individual mandate they could live with the rest of it.

When the ruling came down, there was some serious confusion. Getting accurate information from Twitter was absolutely impossible. Even CNN and Fox News got it wrong for a few nervous minutes. Then the ruling was disclosed accurately. Obamacare – the ACA – was upheld -- all of it.

Some screamed for joy, while others wept for what they saw was an unjust decision and an overreach by the government. I was joyous. But I fully acknowledge that there are quite a few folks who are so disappointed right now. I feel for these folks. Sincerely.

Many times decisions that are monumental in nature leave us breathless. Sometimes with great joy and satisfaction that our side "won" the day and others determined to overturn the decision due to their side "losing." I have been on the losing side many times - and on the winning side - but it never feels like winning when people you love and care about are distraught.

However on this decision - I wholeheartedly believe that the Supreme Court (and the Congress) got it right. We have a health care crisis in this country that has to be addressed. And in the ACA a lot of those issues were indeed addressed - mandatory coverage of persons with pre-existing conditions, continuation of coverage for young adults until age 26, protections against going bankrupt from healthcare costs, coverage for all persons, and a way forward to care for all Americans. Yet, there are still going to be problems for us to address.

And I hope we can do that in a civil and open manner. This is what I posted on my Facebook page right after the decision:

I know that some of my friends are not happy with SCOTUS upholding Obamacare - but it helps so many people. I am proud that many poor and underemployed will be covered and that pre-existing conditions will continue to be covered. Seems that children up to age 26 can still be covered by their parents' insurance. I am proud of my government for caring for all. I acknowledge that for some this is a tough day and I want to say I care about you, too.

So far the responses have been positive. However, some have expressed their dismay. We can have civil conversations about policy and politics, religion and beliefs in humane and open ways. We have to acknowledge that whoever “won” means someone they care about “lost.” And we have to stop using win/lose analogies like I just used.

As I read scripture, God calls on us to care for one another, to uphold one another, and to love one another. Today, I think we can show how we understand this and care for each other during the debates about this monumental decision.

I pray for us all. And for our continued civil conversations on this and other monumental decisions in our lives and in our politics.

My Church Needs to Get a Little "Pissed Off"*

Next week The United Methodist Church's General Conference will meet in Tampa, Florida.  This is a pivotal time for our denomination.  We are gathering as a global church to determine a number of issues, including a restructuring plan, guaranteed appointments for clergy who are Elders in our church, issues around homosexuality, financing of our shared ministry, the structure of our general agencies, and how we will move as a denomination into the 21st century.

There has been a lot of lead-up to this global gathering.  Organizing bodies have planned worship, arranged for space, processed petitions, and coordinated meeting schedules.  Bishops have prayed and discussed upcoming legislation.  Groups have petitioned the body about numerous issues important to them.  Annual Conferences and individuals have weighed in on the pluses and minuses of the different proposals.  Advocacy groups have met, discussed and planned strategy to deal with their concerns about the proposals.  Facebook groups have debated the issues on every conceivable level. Blogs and articles have been written, disseminated and discussed.  And this does not even begin to cover all of the preparation for this gathering.

But despite all of this - we will more than likely continue to disagree on a number of the core issues coming before our governing body.  We are a church that have members around the globe and who would be found up and down the political and social issue spectrum.  We are younger and older persons as members.  We come from developing nations and developed nations.  We come from mega churches, rural churches, , suburban churches, village churches, tiny house communities, new church starts, declining churches, growing churches, multi-cultural churches, staff-led and single pastor led congregations, and much more.  Our churches are led by Elders, Deacons, Local Pastors, Lay Leaders, and other leaders both trained and volunteer. We are as diverse as a global group can be.

But we are also similar.  We share a Wesleyan heritage of social justice ministry.  We have a common theological framework of grace - prevenient, justifying, and sustaining.  We rely on the scriptures as our core guide - but we also interpret them with our tradition, experience, and reason.  However, despite these similarities we do not always agree.  The very way to we look at scripture leads us to differing meanings in the texts we read.

With the diversity in our members and our faith understandings, it is no wonder that we have failed on several occasions to even agree that we disagree on key issues facing the church.  But at this General Conference we are at a crossroads.  We come together at a time of great cultural and political turmoil all across the globe.  We come together at a time when we need holy conferencing more than ever before.  We come together needing to find common ground.  We come together at a time when we have to re-vision what our structure needs to look like to be more nimble and efficient in the future.

But this ground will be hard to find -- if we do not listen with open minds, love with open hearts, and fling the doors of our churches open to all.

If I had all of the answers I would offer them here.  Unfortunately these major decisions will take a lot more than one person offering their opinion.  It will take many persons on the floor of the General Conference offering opinions and listening one to the other.  It will take concessions on both ends of the spectrum.  It will require compromise.

Once a seminary professor of mine asked the class she was teaching what we thought of compromise in the church.  One student answered rather flippantly, "It is an agreement that pisses off both groups."  The prof laughed.  The class laughed.  Then the prof smiled slyly.  Then she agreed with the statement, saying, "That’s so often what it takes."

So I ask my fellow United Methodists ... are you ready to be a little bit “pissed off?”* Because I think in order for us to move forward we are going to all have to find room for flexibility about some long held beliefs and opinions.  To move forward we likely will need to embrace other options for faithful discipleship that are not in concert with our own.  To move forward we just might have to agree to disagree - which at this point would be a step forward.

So I pray.  I advocate.  I pray.  I talk to others.  I pray.  I write about my own opinions.  I pray. And I wait for my church to speak - hopefully after allowing themselves (and by extension all of us) to grow and stretch together.

And I pray that if we do get a bit “pissed off” at each other - may it be a good thing as we have listened well, loved mightily, worked through our differences, and found common ground.  God has already told us what is expected of us.

"He has shown you, O mortal, what is good.

And what does the Lord require of you?

To act justly and to love mercy

and to walk humbly with your God." (Micah 6:8 NIV)

Lord, make it so.

*While some will not like the use of this language - it is vital to my story and appropriate to the feelings I have at this time.

10 Reasons Why I am a Political Junkie

Someone asked me the other day why I am so interested in politics.  They wondered why I watch CNN and C-SPAN, read political news and blogs, and pay close attention to the debates and public discourse of our political leaders and system.  Their reason … and they admitted it … is that they find it all too distasteful and polemical to watch anymore.  So here are my reasons for being part of the process by being a political junkie:

1.  I want to be part of the solution by being an informed voter.  So I pay attention to what candidates are saying during the election cycles – knowing they will likely not get everything done they promise during the campaign but it is important to note what they value and fight for once in office.

2.   Even national politics are local.  The decisions made in Washington affect my life in real ways – my taxes, the roads I drive on, the health care I have access to, the rights my family is afforded (or not), and the ways my son’s education is administered – just to name a few.

3.   I want to participate in creating dialogue between opposing sides of political debates.  This is hard to do but occasionally it can be an amazing process from which to learn and grow. (It can also be extremely difficult and painful – but I believe it is still worth the effort and risk.)

4.  I want to know where my tax dollars are being spent.  Sometimes I agree and sometimes I don’t but it is a good thing to know.  And if I disagree – I contact my representatives and let them know what I think about their decisions.

5.  Every once and a while you see our leaders come together to do something good.  This is rarer than I would want it to be, but it does happen.  Examples – and you may disagree – are increasing the number of kids receiving health care and keeping insurance companies from excluding people based on pre-existing conditions, caring for our planet, taking care of those less fortunate, and providing income help to those who have lost jobs.

6.   Being a participant and voting in every election since I turned 18 years of age allows me to complain with full confidence and integrity.  (LOL!)   I also know folks who never vote but whine all the time about elected officials.  This drives me crazy.

7.  C-SPAN can actually be fun to watch.  It shows us the “sausage making procedure” that is our political process.  It is often ugly and the ingredients are gross but the end result can be enlightening.

8.  I want my son to be part of the election and political process so we watch TV together and discuss the issues.  He is a very informed 13 year old.  He is concerned with the state of our political system and how it will affect his future so he wants to know what is happening.  That makes me proud.  (He also wants to be part of a political protest march someday.  We have marched against gun violence locally but he wants to march for/against something in Washington DC.)

9.  I can impact my community by advocating for new laws that protect the rights of the marginalized, disenfranchised, and powerless.  I can work to limit access to guns by person’s ineligible for purchasing them.  I can work to expand the rights of families who need protection.  I can convey to my elected officials what I value as they debate legislation.  This is the power of one vote – one voice combined with others.

10.  There are moments when I am proud of the system.  Like this week’s celebration of Rep. Gabby Giffords’ service to the House of Representatives.  The touching moment at the State of the Union and the next day's tribute were amazingly uplifting – from both sides of the aisle.  It reminded me of how we can be as a people.

These are just some of the reasons I am an active participant in the political process.  And obviously it is such a tough topic to discuss that I am sure some of you will disagree with my politics - but maybe we at least can agree on why we care.

Hate in a Smiley Face Card

I received my first anonymous hate mail today at my school.  It came in a card shaped envelope with my (misspelled) name typed on the front with my school address.  Inside there was a cute smiley face card.  I opened it and found a typed note – it was nasty and vile and attacked me personally.  The language was ugly and it sent me spinning for a bit.  I was not prepared for the reaction I had to it.

I have always taught my seminary students that there will likely never be a day in ministry when someone is not upset with them.  Often these folks let us know when they are frustrated with us either by confronting us in person or calling us to talk.  Sometimes they act out in a committee meeting or other group to let us know their feelings.  But this felt different.

I have been picketed by Fred Phelps’s church, Westboro Baptist, after being interviewed for the Kansas City Star followed General Conference in 2000 when they reaffirmed the language in our Discipline (church law) forbidding gays and lesbians from being ordained.  I stated in the article that I was pained by the decision and hoped we moved toward full inclusion someday.  Westboro picketed my church the next week.  It was nasty and painful, but this felt different.

This time it was anonymous.  In church ministry we often know when folks are upset.  When Westboro picketed me I knew who they were and why they were there.  But this was different – this felt so personal.  It was aimed at me personally.  So it felt personal.

The smiley face threw me off.  The cute and sweet smiley face that has always stood for fun and humor made it feel safe to open. That’s exactly what they expected.  They expected me to open it thinking it was safe.  And they expected it to hurt me, which it did.

And that made me mad.  I was upset about the power of that card to make me feel badly.  I have heard for years that “Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me.”  But that is bunk.  Words do hurt.  And words have power.  We have to choose to use our words for good and to not give too much power to those that aim to hurt us.  I gave those words too much power today, but I also knew I just had to process it some.

This evening I found out several other seminary professors around the country got the same cards today.  So it was not just me – and that helps in some way but also makes me even more determined to NOT let them win.

We have made someone mad – by speaking the truth about our beliefs or about who this person believes us to be.  Whatever the cause I will not be deterred.  I will continue to be who God made me to be.  I will continue to speak the truth and cry out for justice in many different ways.  I will continue to try to counter hate with love.

And no little smiley face card filled with hate will stop me.  So whoever you are … you DON’T win.  Love does.

Civility is Hard But Necessary!

I am part of several Facebook discussion groups, follow a number of blogs, and read a lot of political and religious websites on a daily basis.  And one thing I have gotten extremely tired of lately is the lack of civility.  Folks on several of the Facebook discussion groups I am part of ask questions and then blast anyone who differs from their opinion.  The discussion on several topics has gotten downright ugly at times.  Now, a disclaimer – I have participated in these discussions but have tried to stay civil.  I believe I have played nice but others might see my participation differently.  I am, after all, a very opinionated person who is not shy about sharing her beliefs, political stances, etc.  But I have tried.  And one glance on political websites or at cable news shows and your “lack of civility meter” will be on full overload.

It is really nothing new.  Even though folks have been talking about the lack of civility a lot lately – (especially before and since the 2008 election) it is nothing new.  In the 1870s political cartoonists used their voice – sometimes in very uncivil manners – to bring down Boss Tweed in New York.  In the 1960 election, the Catholicism of John F. Kennedy was discussed by some in clearly uncivil ways.  Attacking political opponents is a long standing tradition around the world.  But it does seem that civility has taken a decidedly negative turn of late.  Some of it seems politically based, some seems racially based to me (in presidential politics right now), but mostly it is simply differences in ideology and how they view the role of government.

I remember growing up in Texas being told – never discuss religion or politics around the table.  The reason was that arguments would likely erupt.  But my family always encouraged these types of discussions.  And today, the result is politically savvy children and grandchildren … folks who vote, work for their candidates, and make their voices known.  And children and grandchildren who are greatly involved in their churches and know what they believe.  We do not always agree on any of these things, but we try to be respectful of each other.  Even when my son was younger and found out his grandparents were Republicans we took a moment and he called to talk to them about it.  He respectfully asked if they knew the candidate they were backing was against something important to his family.  They talked about how they did not agree with everything their candidate said but overall agreed more with them than the others in the field.  They applauded his inquiry and interest.  And he learned to ask intelligent questions of others about their beliefs and to discuss it in a civil way.

But that is not what I have experienced in some of my web based discussion groups.  There has been some real animosity and lack of civility.  I want to have important discussions and to do that with a variety of people.  I want to have important discussions with folks I disagree with and be respected in that discussion – while I am at the same time affirming their right to be wrong.  Whoops … I meant their right to have their own opinion.  But I seldom get that.  Is it me?  Am I not affirming of other’s opinions?  I think I am.  But I also would guess we all believe that about ourselves. 

So here is my advice to myself and to others.  STOP yelling at each other.  Stop being so entrenched in your own views that you cannot even listen to other people.  Stop  being disagreeable.  Stop being so rigid.  Stop being so mean.  Stop assuming the other person is wrong.

Listen to each other, disagree in love, discuss in a civil manner, and for goodness sake be aware that how you treat each other in these discourses is being watched by the next generation.  I am so grateful that my son learned one good thing from me – to be civil in his discussions and disagreements with others.  And I hope to echo that behavior in my own life – on the web or in person.  

Being civil is hard work – but it is also necessary!