Saying Goodbye to Granny P

I am traveling with my family this week to the funeral of my son's great grandmother, Granny P.  She was 93 when she passed away and had been in an assisted living facility for some years due to Alzheimer's Disease.  The last few times we visited she did not really respond to us, but my son was convinced she smiled at him.

I believe him.  Because that is what she always did with him.  She would watch him when he was little and say over and over, "perpetual motion, he's perpetual motion." And she would smile.  She was part of his life and he adored going to visit Baba, one of his grandmothers, and her mom, Granny P, his great grandmother. 

While there - anytime we visited - she would ask him about his puppy, go for walks with him, and they would play on the floor with red puppy and a toy train for hours.

On one visit when he was a toddler, she became convinced that his little red puppy (a stuffed animal he took everywhere with him) was in fact hers.  The entire time we were there she would secret it away and we would have to go retrieve it for him.  She was not aware of what she was doing but he knew she was taking something that was his.  He was confused, but trusted us to rescue it for him. 

When we got ready to leave one time, she once again had gotten red puppy away from him.  We distracted her the best we could and searched her room until we rescued red puppy from behind some blankets in her closet.  She had hidden it extremely deeply in the closet.  But we were not about to leave without it.  We still tell the story and he knows it well.

This weekend at the memorial service, grandkids and great grandkids were asked to bring pictures or other items to remember Granny P.  My son brought red puppy (yes, we still have it even though he is now 13 years old).  He will tell the story of her thinking it was hers and taking it several times.  Some will laugh and some will wonder what the story means.  For him it is a memory of being with her.  It is a memory of her interaction with him - despite her disease.  He does not know her from her prime.  He remembers a funny lady in a hat who took his red puppy and called him "perpetual motion."

But he still remembers her.  He wanted to be here to say goodbye.  And he wanted to share his wonderful memory of her.

That is what memorial services and funerals are all about.  They are about remembering the roles our loved ones play in our lives - whether briefly or over an extended period of time.  It is a chance to compare memories with others and to say thank you for the roles our beloved family members played on our journey.  It is a time to laugh as much as cry.  It is a time to drink deeply from the family well.  It is a time to remember.

Yes, my son still has red puppy.  He keeps it in his keepsake box.  He keeps it because he got it from his aunt and uncle for his first birthday and it reminds him of Clifford, the Big Red Dog, who his Baba introduced him to.  And he keeps it because Granny P took it from him and his parents rescued it for him.

Sharing that memory makes him happy.  Remembering Granny P makes him smile.  Remembering those who have walked this life journey with us is important.  This weekend is all about that. 

Drink deeply from that well, my friends.  

Blazing Colors

I grew up in the Texas Panhandle.  The county I lived in had a chain link fence around and an historical marker by the first tree planted in the county – and no I am not kidding.  There were no massively tall trees from centuries of growth.  I grew up in a flat, hot, dry place that had its own kind of beauty – but fall was not a time for beauty.  It always seemed to me that one day the trees were full of amazingly beautiful green leaves and the next day they turned brown.  I have been told that the ground water levels and extreme heat just do not support slow, gradual color changes in the fall.  (I know it also has something to do with the changing length of days, cooler temperatures, and chlorophyll changes.)  So fall was not a time of the year that I spent much time thinking about – it was a time for football and cooler weather but not much else.

As an adult I moved to Kansas City, MO to attend seminary.  It was a beautiful early fall day and I was riding with my seminary roommate to a store when it happened – I screamed and she almost wrecked the car.  She asked quickly – “what happened?”  I could barely speak to answer. I had screamed because I saw the most amazing thing I had ever seen – and I still remember it vividly to this day. What I saw was an entire hillside of blazing colors.  I had seen pictures of fall leaves in magazines.  I had seen fall leaves on TV and in movies.  But I had NEVER seen them for myself.  I was overwhelmed.  I was stunned.  I was awestruck.  It took my breath away.  I was so overwhelmed that I just sat in tears looking at the glorious colors.

It was the most beautiful and spectacular sight of my life.  Red, purple, maroon, yellow, and orange blazed with stunning glory. To this day I pull over when I see the first fall foliage and take pictures.  The leaves simply leave me breathless.  They are the thing I look forward to more than anything else in nature.  My eyes and heart long for them each year.  My spirit soars when I see them.

And I am not the only one.  There are websites that track the color changes for “leaf peepers” to know where and when to see the colors.  There are apps for smartphones so that you have the changes at your fingertips on the go.  One of the most amazing things about fall colors is the short duration of the spectacular colors.  They do not last very long and that makes them ever more special.

Those beautiful fall moments make me pause, praise the Creator, and enjoy the breathtaking colors.  I love fall and fall colors!  I also love that God has gifted us with a creation that screams at us to notice, calls on us to pay attention, and needs our care.  May we notice more often, gaze with awe, and care more deeply in all things we see and do!

Thank you, God, for the gift of fall.  

Lessons from 9/11

On the morning of September 11, 2001 I was at home in Kansas City, Kansas awaiting the time to leave the house for a doctor’s appointment.  I was watching the Today show when they went live to a camera showing the World Trade Center Towers after what they thought was “an incident involving a small plane that had hit the North Tower.”  I was watching live with countless millions as a second plane hit the South Tower of the World Trade Center buildings and then watched in stunned silence as it became clear that this was more than a small plane accident.  I stayed home for several hours watching the coverage.  I was shocked and amazed at the depth and breadth of the destruction as the towers fell two hours after the initial incidents.  At the time, I did not know that a friend from Kansas City was at a meeting in the South Tower and that she had perished. I did not know the firefighters and police officers running into the buildings to help others but was stunned by their bravery.  I did know people who lived in New York and was nervous about their safety.   It was a rough morning for all.  Then we learned about the additional attack on the Pentagon and the crash of United Airlines Flight 93 in Shanksville, PA.   I was terrified and I was unsure how far the attacks would spread.  Many in our country and around the world felt the same way.

The news was devastating.  How had this happened?  Who had done it?  Why had they killed so many?  Where was this event taking our country?  These and many other questions hit me all at once and stayed with me for some time.  Like others – I did not have answers.

In the days and weeks to come, we would learn that Al-Qaeda, an extremist group of Muslims, had perpetrated the attacks and that nearly 3,000 people had perished – Christians, Jews, Muslims, Atheists, Americans, Israelis, Canadians, Brits, Indians, transit cops, firefighters, police officers, office workers, restaurant employees, investment bankers, secretaries, lesbians, gay men, married people, singles, and others representing 372 foreign countries.

The effects of the attacks of 9/11 are still being felt in the US and beyond.  The health of many who survived the attacks and those who worked in rescue and recovery efforts has been greatly affected as well.  Lower Manhattan will never be the same, neither will the US.  The people who lost loved ones on the planes, at the Pentagon, and in the attacks on NYC will continue to deal with their loss their entire lives.  There are children who are growing up without their parent and young people are getting married without their Father or Mother to be there with them.  Spouses are living without their beloved partners.  There are families who have never recovered from the loss of the bread winner in their home.  The lives lost in wars against Al-Qaeda cannot be replaced and their sacrifice must be honored, but the war on terrorism continues to go on without much evidence of it ending any time soon (despite the death of Osama bin Laden).  The cost of these efforts on our economy is immeasurable. 

So what have we learned?  Many still believe that all Muslims are evil and that Islam is a violent religion because of the extremists who led the attacks.  Many still believe in conspiracy theories that the US might have even been part of the attacks in some way.  Many continue to distrust anyone who looks “other” than themselves when boarding planes.  Many continue to have their lives affected by the hate that marred that terrible day.

But this year – the 10^th anniversary of the attacks – I believe it is time to think differently.  It is time to finally turn the page on hate.  It is time to stop believing the worst about others based on their religion or other differences (real or perceived).  It is time to celebrate our shared human experience.  Others have unfortunately shared our experience in the last 10 years – with terrorist and hate attacks in Mumbai, Norway, the UK, South America, many countries in Africa, Indonesia, and too many others.  We are not alone in our grief and indignation. 

But we can be united in our love for one another, our acceptance of our differences, our calls for justice, our desire for peace, our honoring of our heroes, and our belief in the human spirit.  On this 10^th Anniversary of 9/11 – I choose peace, love and acceptance – all tempered with a cry for justice in all things.

Mother Nature

I remember seeing the Chiffon margarine commercial growing up where Mother Nature gets angry that this new invention is not real butter and causes a storm. She exclaims, "It's not nice to fool Mother Nature!"  She actually kinda scared me some.  This week the East Coast has experienced the biggest earthquake in history and as I sit here typing we are waiting for Hurricane Irene to get to us in Philadelphia.  Many wonder ... Who made Mamma Nature so angry?

Others think it is something more divine and celestial. The inevitable "God is punishing ____________ for something" statements have been flying fast and furious. They are often related to storms.  They seem to come regularly when bad things happen. But they are not confined to natural disasters, even though they seem to come most often after these events. Divine punishment for evil has been proclaimed after Hurricane Katrina, 9/11, the Haiti Earthquake, and the tsunami in Japan. I have to say that this drives me crazy.

For my entire career I have taught about a divine, graceful, and loving God. Yes, there are images of an angry God in the Bible, but Jesus' life and love bring a new understanding of God that moves beyond this. But the image persists of an angry, retributive God who punishes humans for "bad or evil choices." The interesting thing is the groups that get portrayed as causing these punishing events. It is usually blamed on those already on the margins of culture ... thus moving these groups even further away from acceptance and understanding.

I believe we - as humans - have adversely affected our natural world and some of the storms we are suffering from are the result. But I do not believe that God chooses to hurt huge groups of people to as punishment for a small group.

I believe God loves us and mourns when we hurt. I believe God is a merciful God who forgives our short comings and bad choices. I believe God wants the bests for humanity. I believe that God is with us in the storms - not sitting back causing them.

And I believe storms will continue to come and people will continue to say God is angry. But I believe they are wrong. God loves us too much to do that. That's what I believe.  And I am sticking with it.

Now ... Mother Nature? She' a whole nother story.

Home Sweet Home!

I just returned from a 10 day vacation with my family.  It was amazing, fun and restful.  (I actually shared some of my trip in earlier posts.)  We spent time with friends in Ohio then spent some adult time in Chicago.  It was a blessing and a treat.  We drove 1840 miles and visited 5 states.   I know some people would consider being in a car with their family for 1840 miles in 10 days to be a nightmare – but we had a blast.  Part of the reason it was fun was that we are a family that enjoys spending time together.  We like each other (most days).  So it was great to be away with the people I love.  We talked, sang, played games, and just took our time being together.

But by the time we were heading home – I was very ready to be home.  I wanted to sleep in my own bed, sit in my own chair, control the remote to the TV, and have my own space.  I wanted to be home.  We have only lived in Philadelphia for a year but it is home for us now.  It is where our family makes its life, worships and plays together, goes to school, and it is where our stuff is.

I grew up as a preacher’s kid – a PK- who moved around all through her childhood.  From birth to High School I lived in 6 places.  Since graduating and going out on my own – I have lived in 5 states and in a number of apartments and houses (I tried to count but I couldn’t come up with a number).   My Mom, a United Methodist preacher’s wife, used to say, “Home is where the Bishop sends us!”  When we would move my folks would have our rooms set up by the end of the first day and we would be completely moved in within 48 hours.  My own family does it in 72 hours but we try.  That is because we know that the place where we live is our home when we make it our home.

Home ought to be a place full of memories, people we love, places we feel comfortable, and feelings of acceptance.  Home ought to be where we find our true selves and can be who we are meant to be.  Home ought to be where we find sanctuary from the outside world.  But for many that is not what home looks or feels like.  For many home is a place where they are ridiculed, made fun of, physically or sexually abused, psychologically battered and more.  For many home is a scary place and for those situations I pray for relief and safety.

I know that I was very lucky.  My home was a place where we were nurtured, praised and loved.  We were allowed to explore our true selves and we were affirmed in that search for self (even though there were certainly times when I clashed with my folks on my journey).  My parents helped me grow up spiritually and emotionally.  My parents guided me through a time in my youth when I was pretty sick.  I had epilepsy and some learning disabilities from a traumatic birth.  My parents were told that I would never graduate from High School but they said – “nope, that’s not happening to our kid.”  So my Mom spent hours helping me learn how to learn – and I graduated from High School, from college, have two Masters degrees, and have a PhD (most with honors).  All because in my home – my parents wanted the best for me and would not take no for an answer.  It was an amazing gift and for me it changed my life.  It was my home – a place where I was cared for and helped to succeed.

I know not everyone has had a great experience of home – but I did.  And for that I am extremely grateful.  I am grateful for a Mom who spent hours helping me overcome my learning issues.  I am grateful for a Dad who loved me and helped me grow in my faith and self-confidence.  I am grateful for my sisters who made my life journey very interesting. 

And I am grateful for my own family and our recent vacation.  New memories were made, new sights seen, and new bonds were formed.  My home is a sweet place – because I am loved there.  And I am working as hard as I can to create the kind of home I grew up in.  I’m home – wherever that is— as long as I am with my family.

Fears, Smears!!

Many of us have fears.  They are more common than most people believe.  Common ones include: fear of flying, fear of speaking in public, fear of heights, fear of dark, fear of intimacy, fear of death, fear of failure, fear of rejection, fear of spiders, fear of flying, fear of water, fear of dogs, etc.  The list goes on and on.  As a preacher and preaching professor I do not have the fear of speaking in public (but I do still get nervous).  I do not shriek at the sight of mice or spiders.  And I am a calm flyer.  Dogs – well, I am allergic to them and their fur/licking creeps me out but I am not afraid of them.  So when I think of fears, I am not sure if I actually have a fear of something other than fear of failure.  But fear of failure is one I think almost everyone has. 

But I have friends and family who live with significant fears.  I have a friend who cannot drive over bridges without having an anxiety attack.  I have a Mom who never learned to swim so we grew up with her serious discomfort around water.  I have a colleague who is terrified of flying so he drives to every conference or family event he has to go to – even driving days without stops to avoid flying.  And I have a best friend who is afraid of heights.  She got caught at the top of a Ferris wheel one time and now is terrified of heights and specifically of Ferris wheels.

We were recently in Chicago together and visited Navy Pier.  On my plan for the day was riding the giant Ferris wheel.  On her list was avoiding the Ferris wheel at all costs.  For those who are uninitiated this Ferris wheel is “150-foot-high. Modeled after the world's very first Ferris wheel, an engineering marvel constructed for Chicago's 1893 World Colombian Exposition, the Navy Pier Ferris wheel lifts visitors to unparalleled sweeping views of the skyline and lakefront. The Pier's wheel has forty gondolas seating six passengers each.” (From Navy Pier publicity)

So there we were … standing just 50 yards away from this behemoth and I ask casually, “Wanna try to conquer a fear and ride the Ferris wheel?”  I just knew she would say no.  But out of her mouth came – “well …”  I knew it was time.  I showed her that this Ferris wheel does not stop – it just slowly moves and you hop on.  She agreed so I quickly ran to get our $6 tickets and got in line.  So we did it.  We rode the Ferris wheel and got some amazing pictures of the Chicago skyline. It was thrilling and not as scary as she thought (after one initial anxiety filled minute).

Upon our return to the ground, I was delighted with and proud of my role in helping her overcome this great fear.  (LOL!) More importantly, she was proud of herself.  She had faced a fear and taken the ride of her life.  Actually, overcoming fears is something that is quite hard but it also something we all need to do.  We need to confront what makes us afraid and do what we can to overcome those fears.  Not all of them can be overcome without intervention or counseling – so I do not want to belittle anyone’s fears.  But I do want to address those things that keep us from moving forward.  When we allow our fears to keep us from being our best selves, we need to do something about it.  When we allow our fears to keep us from experiencing life and all it offers us, we need to do something about it.

I believe God is a gracious and powerful God who is present with us always.  So when I am afraid I try to remember that God is there holding me and comforting me.  I believe that and it gives me great comfort.  It may not feel like it helps if ever a BIG fear hits me upside the head but I live in the belief that I can do all things with God.  So bring it on!!

Family Road Trip Time

One line I never thought I would hear in my own car:  “Mom, turn your music down!”   This line was from my pre-teen son yesterday.  We were driving west on the turnpike through Pennsylvania for our family vacation (heading to Ohio and Chicago) and Shelby decided our music was interfering with him listening to his own music.  The adults were listening to soundtracks from Broadway (Mamma Mia, Hairspray, and Rent this trip).  He was evidently not impressed with our music choice or the volume of our singing along with the tunes.  He was also not amused by our car seat dancing.

I remember going on trips with my family growing up where we would take turns picking the radio station and take turns riding the hump – having to take the middle seat.  We read or played car games – like keeping track of states we saw license plates from or playing “I spy.”  We had some good times in the car but we also – my two sisters and I – had plenty of disagreements.  “Don’t touch me!”  “Move your foot!”  “Get off my stuff!”  These were statements heard many times in our family car.  We never killed each other and somehow survived as friends.  So that was a good thing.

I travel with my own family now and we have done car games and sung songs for years.  Now we have technologically advanced traveling.  On this trip we had 3 cell phones, 3 laptops, 1 GPS, 2 Kindles, 1 set of headphones, 2 video cameras, 2 power adapters for car lighter plugs, 2 iPods and enough power cables/cords to string up lights at Christmas.  We also had the unique thrill of trying out the 3G hotspot my phone offers.  So my son was on Facebook as we travelled down the highway.  When we started getting tired we looked up hotels, made a few calls, and got a deal on a room.  It was quite fun.  It’s a whole new world for travel.

But we also spent time just talking.  We talked about past trips, we talked about future vacations, we talked about politics, and we talked about our lives.  It was some dedicated family time in a confined space.  And for that I am grateful.  We are only on day 3 of our vacation and we have more to go on this trip.  Getting away with my family is a privilege.  And I am grateful for the opportunity.  We will have a great time, eat too much, spend some quality time together, try not to spend too much money, make some new memories, and probably get a bit tired of each other, too.  But it will be fun.  We will continue to grow as a family and learn more about each other.  And that is never a bad thing.